Happy Mother's Day

It's very strange to think about where I was a year ago - for one thing I was getting a LOT more sleep, (I am actually smiling as I type that) and I had a concept in my head about what was going to happen and what life would be like.  That being said,  I had no freaking idea!

I love this little man, and I have never worked harder in my life, been more tired, had a more demanding boss or ridden a bigger emotional roller coaster.   He makes the toughest job I've even done seem like a cake walk.  Everyone told me these things, but prior to him, all I've had to compare IS the hardest, toughest thing I've ever done.  And true to form, I've never loved anyone so unconditionally or had such a bright spot in my day as this little guy.  If someone can wake you up three times between two am and six am,  and you are still happy to see them, it's got to be love, don't you think?  Thank you Daddy and Puddin'.  You are tons of fun and I love you both very much.

Knitting again!

I have two finished projects,  one finished long ago, well three months ago.  But truly wouldn't you rather I wear my new socks than just photograph them and blog about the experience.  I mean even I love a good handknit sock, but I don't want to read about them that often, how can you?

I also have finished a personal triumph.  It has taken me about a year and a half, with many different mistakes and ripping it out at least three times, but I am happy to say that I have a vest as part of my wardrobe that I was able to actually wear before it was too hot outside (it actually WAS to hot outside, but I refused to admit it, twice).  Whew that was a long run on sentence.   It doesn't look that spectacular here, but I do like it - though it doesn't look that spectacular on either.  The post-pregnant body doesn't thrill me with it but the yarn is pretty.  And I started running so hopefully things will begin to fit better.

What a beautiful day!

Yes, it's a very simple title, but you can't sum up this weekend any better way.  March,  it's such a strange month - I struggle with it every year.  It signifies the end of a fun winter and winter activities, but the beginning of warm weather and even more fun.  I will say that this year I am completely fine with the end of winter - probably because my participation in winter activities was sub-par.  I did not get the kites out off the shelf, the telemark skis have not seen their friends, the telemark ski-boots and the poor snowboard only had two conversations with the snowboard boots this winter.  So considering the Clarkshornes of winters past we have done NOTHING.  That being said,  there was little snow, lots of rain and it was very mild temperature wise, plus I haven't gotten the best sleep this winter.  All extra energy has gone into being able to stand up straight some days.

That being said, I'm not in a hurry for winter to be over,  I'd take another snowstorm so we could use the sled again or be locked in for a snow day, but not too many.  I'm working at just being present for today,  and tomorrow I'll enjoy then.  On one level the days go by so slowly- like on Monday thinking about when Friday will come, but  then on weekends the days fly and I could begin to panic about how quickly they ended.  I need to stop and breathe and take them as they come.  So "what a beautiful day" we have here.  I think I'll go get the crazy baby out of bed and take him out to see the world!

It was bound to happen eventually............

My father has recently shared a story with me about being a new parent.  He recalled driving home from work some thirty plus (many pluses, but that's not the point of this story now is it?) years ago and thinking to himself, "Things are going really well right now, but that could change any minute, I'm not going to get to caught up in it."  I have no idea if things went bad soon after or if his tide of good fortune continued however;  I now have a definite appreciation for his statement.  Let me preface this story with the acknowledgement that given the state of the world, and the horrible conditions of Haiti,  I know this is not anything to be truly concerned about.

But given the small bubble of my world,  I was feeling pretty good, everyone seemed happy and content.  Baby Puddin' was thriving.  Then my daycare provider dropped the bomb that she wasn't going to continue her business............ ughhhhhh!  She has said that she will keep him until June because she committed to me in the fall.  But he's home with just her, without other kids which, if I can't be home with him I would like him to socialize.  So the search has begun, and it is agonizing.  At least once a week,  Puddin and I trek off after work to meet another person who does daycare, we are there for about an hour and then drive away wondering how it's possible we wasted another hour of our lives that we can't get back.  They are nice, just have different principles than we have.  One didn't think through her advertisement to babysit, and realized AFTER we talked that she wouldn't be able to do it.  Come on - really?  You just figured that out now?  Not when you put the Ad in craiglist?  There is one person left to meet, and of course I'm certain she is the ONE for us.  I get as hopeful about meeting these people as I did with internet dating when I meet Mr. Romance.  I just hope it ends as successfully.

I finished this before he can drive!

I consider the completion of this sweater to be doubly sweat.  Not only is it finished but Mr. Puddin' can actually wear it.  I panicked about three weeks ago that he's growing so fast I would never complete it in time.  But here it is.  I actually started it the day before he arrived, at that point I was so frustrated that he was never going to come out that I literally just gave up and started a new project, should have done that the week before I guess.

It's a little mini peacoat sweater, the pattern calls for pockets, but he has yet to use the pockets in any other garment.  So I felt it was fine to take the liberty and leave off the pockets for this one.  He doesn't look like he minds one bit!

In other news,  Christmas is over and the New Year is coming.  I don't know if I'll make any resolutions for this year, granted I need to exercise.  I can't even write the word "more" there since "exercise more" would imply that I exercise at all.  I'll leave it at that.  I could eat less sweets, but that always happens anyway when the holidays are over.  Sleeping more would be fantastic, but I am not in total control of this either so alas, leave that one off.  I might follow in the footsteps of my favorite roommates and give up dry skin or maybe resolve to flip over my mattress more frequently.  We'll see.

SNOW DAY!!!!!!!

Pause for just a second and think back to when you were 8 years old living in New England in the winter time.  The excitement that would grow the day before a snow storm was forecast,  would tomorrow be a snow day, will we be able to stay home tomorrow?  Never mind the thrill of waking up in the morning running to the window to see if it had indeed covered the ground and road and then running to find mom just to make sure that we didn't have to get on the bus.

As the years have gone by, I seem to have conveniently remained tied to the thrill of a snow day.  In college we followed the school districts so closely that there were frequent snow days, then working for school districts for ten years has continued the trend.  Today was the best by far though, I got to have a snow day with baby Puddin' as he's called these days.  I'm sure the day will come when I am overwhelmed with snow days and being home with a bored kid, but today felt like an early Christmas present.  We (as much as possible) decorated the tree, played peek-a-boo, took a nap (HUGE bonus), made dinner and sang.  It was a perfect day, next time I might miss the nap and knit a bit - but that's all I'd change.  I can't wait for the next one!

One day on, one day off, two days on, three days

off?  Doesn't that sound like a wonderful work schedule?  Keeping whatever your current salary is off course, just adjusting the days on and off of course.  Well that's want this week has looked like.  The joke has always been that I would be more than willing to work between 10-2 four days per week at my current schedule.  Just enough to allow me to be involved in something other than my own selfishness, but short enough to allow me enough time for all my hobbies if laziness didn't take over.  Well on paper this week might look somewhat similar to that but not of my own doing.  Mr. Romance had day surgery one day = day off from work to be at hospital.  Then the daycare provider's daughter had a 103 fever one day = the little boy wonder having no place to go so mommy got to stay home another day.  Now I need to find a profession when I can keep this schedule, adjust the work load to fit the schedule and keep my current salary to pay the mortgage.  Any ideas?

Regarding work,  I'm back at it again, full time and the darling boy is in daycare full time.  I continue to be torn about this on many levels.  It is our reality so I'm of the mind set I'm not going to lament and dwell on it for too long, but I think getting my thoughts out completely might help the process some.  1.  I love my job, always have deep down inside, why else would I have traveled 100 miles a day for 8 years and decided to buy a house within a reasonable distance (Is 60 miles round trip reasonable?).  It's a great job that has given me many opportunities and some fantastic stories.  2.  My job has been my social outlook for years, only recently have I developed great friendships outside of work.  3.  We need my health insurance as a family.  4.  I have found a great daycare provider who has other children and I want Mr. S to be with other kids and learning by watching (good, bad - as long as he's learning to interact socially in this world, dad and I help him learn the logistics later).

I've rambled on now for long enough.  As with everything, it's a personal decision that we had to make and to do what is best for our family.  I could think about it and make myself sad and depressed and I do worry about it. Then at times I feel with confidence that I'm doing okay and it's what's best for us as a family.  What I really need to do is find peace with it, not get defensive and relax.  I know that I'm in for a bit of a roller coaster ride for a very long time, I need to remember that and to be completely corny "just let it ride".