One day on, one day off, two days on, three days

off?  Doesn't that sound like a wonderful work schedule?  Keeping whatever your current salary is off course, just adjusting the days on and off of course.  Well that's want this week has looked like.  The joke has always been that I would be more than willing to work between 10-2 four days per week at my current schedule.  Just enough to allow me to be involved in something other than my own selfishness, but short enough to allow me enough time for all my hobbies if laziness didn't take over.  Well on paper this week might look somewhat similar to that but not of my own doing.  Mr. Romance had day surgery one day = day off from work to be at hospital.  Then the daycare provider's daughter had a 103 fever one day = the little boy wonder having no place to go so mommy got to stay home another day.  Now I need to find a profession when I can keep this schedule, adjust the work load to fit the schedule and keep my current salary to pay the mortgage.  Any ideas?

Regarding work,  I'm back at it again, full time and the darling boy is in daycare full time.  I continue to be torn about this on many levels.  It is our reality so I'm of the mind set I'm not going to lament and dwell on it for too long, but I think getting my thoughts out completely might help the process some.  1.  I love my job, always have deep down inside, why else would I have traveled 100 miles a day for 8 years and decided to buy a house within a reasonable distance (Is 60 miles round trip reasonable?).  It's a great job that has given me many opportunities and some fantastic stories.  2.  My job has been my social outlook for years, only recently have I developed great friendships outside of work.  3.  We need my health insurance as a family.  4.  I have found a great daycare provider who has other children and I want Mr. S to be with other kids and learning by watching (good, bad - as long as he's learning to interact socially in this world, dad and I help him learn the logistics later).

I've rambled on now for long enough.  As with everything, it's a personal decision that we had to make and to do what is best for our family.  I could think about it and make myself sad and depressed and I do worry about it. Then at times I feel with confidence that I'm doing okay and it's what's best for us as a family.  What I really need to do is find peace with it, not get defensive and relax.  I know that I'm in for a bit of a roller coaster ride for a very long time, I need to remember that and to be completely corny "just let it ride".

Upon looking at it all.......

It is a strange thing to find myself packing for work tomorrow. It's a two day work week this week so don't get me wrong, it's not the same as being BACK to work completely, but it's back none the less. How things can change so completely in such a short period of time. Just simple things, I haven't spend a dime on clothing for myself, there is not a "going back to school" pair of shoes in the mail for me, nor have I purchased a sweater's worth of yarn destined for a new fall project. It's not as miraculous that I haven't done these things, it's that I haven't wanted too either.

I think this is the biggest change that has come over me since becoming a mother, I am very content with my possessions. I've admired new things, thought about their wonderful qualities but there is a feeling of contentment with what I have that honestly thrills me. Don't get me wrong, the checkbook is taking a major hit between diaper supplies and daycare. I NEED to be frugal and responsible, especially in areas where the gluttony has been out of this world (don't look at the yarn stash). But it's nice that it's hasn't resonated as a must or a need, but rather as something that feels good. There are sacrifices that every person makes when they enter a relationship and I knew this when we decided to have a family, I just didn't realize how they wouldn't feel like sacrifices so immediately...........

I need help.

Awhile ago I decided to change the picture in my header. Now it's been a year since the previous one went up. I did what seemed like the logical method to get a picture up............... to big. Tried again, even bigger....no good. Tried again, baby cried, 2 hours of sleep the night before finally got to me..........left it that way. I've been assuming it happened because I was using iphoto for the first time and I'm still a bit challenged there. Well, here I am back in the old pc, reverted back to the same old picture AND .............................I have no idea how to make it smaller and fit across the header without being huge. Any advice?

"They" say..............

The general consensus from other mothers has been that parenthood seems to bring the advice givers out of the woodwork. The strange thing about me and advice is that there is good advice that I listen too and agree with. I'll make a mental note of the idea, think about how to implement it, picture it in my day and have every intention of taking that advice. The problem, that's as far as it ever gets. I seem to lack the gene to implement advice when given, especially if that advice would make my life easier. Stranger still, if it's bad advice or isn't of the type that would work for me, I am able to put it right into action, jump on that bandwagon and watch it fail. How do I possess the bandwagon gene but not the other? Funnier still the particular advice that I am thinking of isn't being implemented right now because I'm procrastinating and writing about it. Typical me.

Ok, so I have been knitting a bit, a very little bit, but a bit. Another thing to add to the brilliance of Elizabeth Zimmerman, the BSJ doesn't require extraneous thought. You can still enjoy knitting on limited sleep and it's such a great pattern that with fun yarn it looks great. I do love Elizabeth, be it my love of all things squishy or my enjoyment of a pattern that doesn't require me to keep track of every row I knit, I'm not sure. But she is my favorite. Now with a child of my own I can continue my quest to knit every pattern she ever wrote. If Mr. S's expression means anything in this picture, modeling of the garments might be up to someone else.............. but his hair do is rather fancy, don't you think?

We are into our sixth week at home. We seem to be getting on rather well. I can identify the "burp me" cry, and the "I'm tired" cry. I have some trouble with the others, oh except the "I'm in extreme pain and you need to do something now" I have that one down too - that one is very similar to "Don't you ever eat garlic again, it's killing me" cry, which I am completely okay with following. There is some confusion between the "mom, you're an idiot, THAT is not what I wanted" cry and the "hurry up already, I can't see from down here". Oh I don't give myself enough credit, I completely understand the "this car seat blows and I don't like you very much right now" cry. All of these different cries are fine, but I think I like the "gee, I love milk" gurgle, and the "hey look, I have hands and I can actually move them myself" babble. I think his favorite is the "look how fast mommy/daddy can run into the room" yelp, but if I could actually see the panicked look on my face that might be mine too.

Life changes

Here sits she who has more bicycles then pocketbooks, more yarn then pants, and too many hobbies so that none of them get done well in the few summer days that New England actually experiences. Yet I find myself in this fortress against heat, with the blinds drawn, AC constantly on, and watching weather.com to determine when a more suitable temperature will be coming our way, with no intention of going outside EVER. It's not for my own purposes that this is taking place, I feel like a mother bird protecting her young. If you actually come to close to me right now, I might actually fake a broken leg and hobble in the opposite direction to lure you away from my tiny peanut to protect him from your body heat. It's a funny place to find myself. I have little regard for my own safety during the best of times (I've been informed that 90 degrees is to hot to mow the lawn, yet I found myself contemplating it just a moment ago) and here I am responsible for an actually person who can't defend himself, and won't be able to for awhile yet. I'm sure it's hormones, but today I'm just caught up in the fact that this little man will grow up sooner than I will be ready for.

There will be other things to write about than baby news someday, but for now just bare with me, this is all very new, and honestly I had no idea I'd be this smitten with him. I miss him when he's sleeping four feet away from me. When he's crying and mommy doesn't understand why, I will admit that I'd wish he'd fall asleep, but then I miss him all over again.

Normalcy, I can see it from here!

Everyone said after two weeks it gets better, and honestly on exactly the two week mark to the day the veil lifted and even though his sleeping schedule didn't change that dramatically I felt human again. Human I tell you! Holy smokes, human again. Now mind you I will not be signing up for anything strenuous any time soon. Running is not in the cards, getting out of the house is still very ambitious in my opinion and fitting in a shower falls fairly low on the totem pole, but who cares. I'm human again, and look at this cute little human who lives here now. It is all really just jibberish after that!